One of the highest goals you can achieve on this Earth is inner peace. That I-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude, where nothing can throw you off. Well, not nothing. Only the important things. During the rest of the time, you feel bliss, contentment, happiness. Sounds great right? But how does one get there? Well, one of the fastest tracks is through learning how to heal and identify your triggers.

What are triggers?

Triggers are events, people, places that create uneasiness inside you. They make you feel uncomfortable at best and furious at worst. Imagine the prototypical Karen. That is someone with little self awareness and many unidentified triggers. Triggers, if fallen on deaf ears and left unexamined, can be very, very destructive. But if, God willing, they are heard, they can lead you back to your soul.

Triggers show you, in a painful way, where exactly you are hiding, shying away from your full power. They show you unresolved trauma, false beliefs and outdated dogma that is keeping you from living to your full potential.

How do triggers feel

This depends on what kind of person you are and what kind of belief you hold. If you are self deprecating and don’t think much of yourself, then the trigger will feel like a tightness in your chest, another reminder of how small and worthless you are. If you are a more aggressive, outgoing type, the trigger might make you want to punch a wall.

Overall, it is not a pleasant feeling and that is why people avoid them instead of listening to their wisdom.

Trigger categories

There is one main trigger category: I want to be one way, but my beliefs are not allowing me to do that and worst of all I can see someone else living the way I want to be living.

Let’s divide them into three rough categories.

This shouldn’t be done this way

Someone somewhere along the way convinced you things shouldn’t be done a certain way. Examples: “girls nipples shouldn’t be showing” “if you dress like this you’re a slut” “boys don’t cry” “you can’t dance like that, you’ll look weird” “you shouldn’t talk about your feelings” “you shouldn’t talk about yourself in a good way, people will think you are showing off” etcetera etcetera fill in the blank ___________________.

So when you are put into a situation where that belief is challenged (go braless / be vulnerable with somebody / promote your business) you will feel uncomfortable. NOTE: This is a beautiful opportunity for growth. It is essential to not shy away from the uncomfortable feeling, but lean into it, understand why that is happening and change your belief if you’d like.

Furthermore, if a person caused your trigger (girl going braless / very open person / someone “shamelessly” promoting their business) instead of judging, you can take the high and mighty road and inquire as to why they acted the way they did. You can find out what kind of belief they have in their head/ mind/ heart that allows them to act inhibition-free.

Someone else living your dream

A person can trigger you by doing something you think shouldn’t be done. The next step up is someone living life the way you want it to live. Beyond inhibitions. Fully inhabiting their power. This is beyond shoulds and shouldn’ts. This is someone shining their light, taking no shit and doing exactly as they please – especially in the areas you don’t allow yourself to. Anyone come to mind?

False beliefs about yourself

Finally, the toughest pill to swallow is when reality does not match the beliefs you have about yourself. This is where so many people go astray because they do not have the fortitude to examine not just their beliefs about the world, but about who they are.

This goes both ways – when you think you’re better than you really are and when you think you’re worse than you really are.

Trigger examples

How can you be sure if something is a trigger? Let me give you examples from my life and see if you can identify with some.

• I was at a point in my life where I prioritised “doing the right thing” and “working hard.” Then I would scroll through Instagram and come across beautiful girls just doing their thing being beautiful. I would feel such anger as to why these girls are there just enjoying life, looking beautiful, enjoying male attention instead of “working hard for everything” and being miserable like I was.
• Currently I am being irritated by people who are running successful business, helping people live their best life and achieve their dreams, like I want to be doing.
• I would be triggered in any situation where I had to be creative in front of other people: sing, dance or express a vulnerable idea about something.

What to do about it?

It helps if you are honest with yourself. When you feel a trigger coming in you can say to yourself, “This is making me uncomfortable. I wonder why?” Your soul will give you the answer if you are willing to listen.

There are two practical methods you can start practicing right away to start getting familiar with your triggers.

Part 1

Over the next week track your triggers. Journal what triggers you throughout the day and reflect to why that might be. You can do that right away on the spot or keep a journal and reflect at the end of the day. Or both.

Part 2

This exercise you can do right now:

Identify 3 people who trigger you. Explore those feelings. What do you feel? Why do you feel that way? Freewrite.