Before I realized what I’m about to share with you, I used to ask myself, “Is there something wrong with me?” Oftentimes when we go through an emotionally traumatic experience and things don’t turn out the way we want them to, we turn inwards. We start believing that there just might be something wrong with us. Hopefully, if you’re feeling this way and wondering if there is something terribly wrong with you, the following mindset-shift might help you. This idea originates from positive psychology.

Imagine a student failing a test. There are 3 ways she can react:

From those reactions we can identify 3 patterns of thinking:

If you blame others or situations you give power away, outside yourself. You will always find someone to blame, but never have the power to change anything.

If you think it is “your fault” because you are “a failure” “stupid” “fat” etc. you will curl up into a ball and cry because there is nothing much you can do about your failed character. This is the most debilitating and dangerous mindset of the three. Growth vs. fixed mindset comes into play here.

However, if you think your actions/ methods/ processes/ thoughts are the source of a discomfort you can change the situation. It is very liberating and more importantly empowering to see how things you can control affect the outcome of an action.

Positive Psychology Overview

Positive psychology is a “scientific approach to studying human thoughts, feelings, and behavior, with a focus on strengths instead of weaknesses, building the good in life instead of repairing the bad, and taking the lives of average people up to “great” instead of focusing solely on moving those who are struggling up to “normal” (Peterson, 2008)”. It is the foundation on which coaching as a profession rests.

The founder Martin Seligman, when doing what he does in the last century, realized too much of psychology’s power is used to treat and cure pathology rather than help people live rich and fulfilling lives. He decided to turn the tide and start a new subdomain. Largely thanks to him the concept of learned helplessness was discovered. Animals and people, if not given the chance to remedy their negative situation, will learn to “lie down and take it” even when such a chance arises.

This often leads to depression where one does not believe he can do anything to change his circumstance. If you’ve read my blog you obviously know that’s not true. So did Martin, who came up with the antidote to learned helplessness: learned optimism. I highly recommend watching the video and overall exploring more about positive psychology is general.